I was at my hairdresser’s (among a kajillion other things yesterday including a colonscopy and celiac biopsy YAY that was not fun) yesterday and the client before me was hanging around hogging my time to hang out with my cool hairdresser when she said something that will allow me to forgive her. She said– “My mom’s dog won’t stop licking her plush velvet sofa. And she’s okay with that.” The face she made in the mirror was epic.
HOW DO YOU NOT MAKE THAT THE OPENING OF A BOOK?
And a few weeks ago there was a very silly “that’s what she said” exchange that really only made sense if you were there except just to say it culminated in the very silly concluding purchase that followed between my fellow employees– if, say, I was a female hapless Bradley Cooper type and one of the other guys in the conversation was Zach Galifinakis and then the third person was Betty White, and Betty White was buying a hot stone massage kit, and Zach Galifinakis said– “Come on, where else are you gonna get a hot rock massage for under ten bucks? You’d have to roll down the side of a volcano.” And Betty White shrugged and said– “I bet the volcano would be a pretty fun time.”
I think we need to start a site. I don’t know. Call it novel first lines. Like, plot bunnies, free for adoption. People can post good one liners or scenarios or other ideas, and other people can just go and comment. Or steal. Or write national book award winners, and they’ll owe it all to that velvet-licking dog.
(Or maybe it just needs to be a site called Random Crazy Shit People Say. And then people can meme it, make pictures and backgrounds and tshirts and shit, and then I can quit my retail job and become an Internet mogul off the eavesdropping skills of the world.)
But the dog with the velvet thing really did happen. The hot stone massage exchange, too, though my eyes aren’t nearly as twinkly as Mr. Cooper’s.