Schmutzie has this Grace in Small Things thing that she does. And she does it wonderfully, recently posting an amazing post reflecting on whether it still worked for her, concluding that in fact, it did. I have read the GiST posts at Schmutzie’s and others’ blogs and marveled and wished I could do it, even as I was in a place(s) where blogging every day wasn’t something I felt able to do– blog every day, and maybe be grateful every day, too.
But now… now. Now. One of the reasons I separated from my husband was because, as I said during one session, “I need to be able to find things to be hopeful about,” in contrast to his belief that there was very little that he could do to change things in life. I said that in the context of lots of things, not the least of which was the fact that I am and will continue to do battle with my bipolar and the ups and downs it will throw me, but it also had to do with lots of other things, the accumulation of which added up to my meaning that I’m sure as hell no Polyanna, and I have black, horrible days, but– there are moments of beauty and I try to look for them and point them out when I can, and I need a partner who helps me do that and also goes out of their way to help me find (and brings me) graceful, small things. And if not, well– my eyes see better clearly when they’re not clouded by tears shed because I’m lonely even when I’m technically with someone.
Grace in Small Things. Day 1.
1. Dansko Clogs. They make my retail-working feet happy, they make clompy noises when I walk naturally so if I’m actually stomping, nobody knows, and the Petrol black patent finish on my favorite pair never fails to make women stop and compliment me on my “bitchin'” clogs.
The floor-to-ceiling open pantry in my dad’s house that has more than I could possibly need. Because it has more than I can possibly need. And if I have to jam some of the stuff I brought with me and put some in the back hall, and if the rest of my stuff’s in the attic or basement? There are worse things than my things cheek-by-jowl and welcome and subject to gravity’s laws.
Friends who knit me small bears and help me pack all my things and otherwise listen to me on FB and by text and are always good for a stupid lolcat joke.
My cow blanket, faux fur on one side, fleece on the other. I said that I wanted it as a one-off during a walk through the mall, the first year of our marriage, and the husband went back and got it and saved it for me for Christmas. It’s still one of the best presents I’ve ever gotten, and it reminds me that sometimes you get what you ask for.
5. The camera with which I’m taking these photos, a Digital Rebel EOS T3i, not a small thing at all.