Sort of. My best friend A. is marrying her girlfriend this weekend someplace out of state on Sunday. Except she’s not marrying her girlfriend, not really. There will be a wedding ceremony affirmed by the Quaker Meeting in which they are members. There will be family and friends from all over, including some, but not all, of A’s family, since as much as they like A.’s girlfriend as a person, the wedding part is too much for some of them. There will not be a legal certificate, however, because their state doesn’t allow gay marriage and only recognizes out of state marriages by executive order of the governor– something that can be overturned by legislative or judicial fiat any time, really.
If A. and E. lived here in Massachusetts, they could get legally married. Hell, I could get a special license and have the honor of performing the ceremony. If they lived in Connecticut or Iowa or Vermont or Maine or Canada, they could get married. But because their careers are where they are, so that they live where they do, they can’t be legally married.
It’s wrong– and immoral in a way that the fundamentalists have no possible way of understanding because they’re so wrapped up in the outward trappings of biology that they’re blind to the question of what really matters. Is it love?
It unequivocally is.
Their relationship has weathered rollercoaster-worthy ups and downs, significant time living apart while they worked on their graduate degrees, and is a relationship– a friendship and erotic love characterized by such honesty and hope that they can work through whatever obstacles arise that I am abashed by the occasional moments of avoidance and fear that I let enter my dealings with my husband.
They’re not perfect– nobody is. But they’re brave and honest and true, and they deserve the same legal protections afforded to men and women who make that commitment to share their lives together. Anything less is simply wrong.
It’s not about X and Y chromosomes. It’s not about children (or those same fundamentalists should be working to invalidate non-procreative heterosexual marriages, too). It’s about love.
You can learn more about the legal issues involved in gay marriage here at Lambda Legal.