My best friend’s wedding…

Sort of.  My best friend A. is marrying her girlfriend this weekend someplace out of state on Sunday.  Except she’s not marrying her girlfriend, not really.  There will be a wedding ceremony affirmed by the Quaker Meeting in which they are members.  There will be family and friends from all over, including some, but not all, of A’s family, since as much as they like A.’s girlfriend as a person, the wedding part is too much for some of them.  There will not be a legal certificate, however, because their state doesn’t allow gay marriage and only recognizes out of state marriages by executive order of the governor– something that can be overturned by legislative or judicial fiat any time, really.

If A. and E. lived here in Massachusetts, they could get legally married.  Hell, I could get a special license and have the honor of performing the ceremony.  If they lived in Connecticut or Iowa or Vermont or Maine or Canada, they could get married.  But because their careers are where they are, so that they live where they do, they can’t be legally married.

It’s wrong– and immoral in a way that the fundamentalists have no possible way of understanding because they’re so wrapped up in the outward trappings of biology that they’re blind to the question of what really matters.  Is it love?

It unequivocally is.

Their relationship has weathered rollercoaster-worthy ups and downs, significant time living apart while they worked on their graduate degrees, and is a relationship– a friendship and erotic love characterized by such honesty and hope that they can work through whatever obstacles arise that I am abashed by the occasional moments of avoidance and fear that I let enter my dealings with my husband.

They’re not perfect– nobody is.  But they’re brave and honest and true, and they deserve the same legal protections afforded to men and women who make that commitment to share their lives together.  Anything less is simply wrong.

It’s not about X and Y chromosomes.  It’s not about children (or those same fundamentalists should be working to invalidate non-procreative heterosexual marriages, too).  It’s about love.

You can learn more about the legal issues involved in gay marriage here at Lambda Legal.


9 thoughts on “My best friend’s wedding…

  1. Sherry

    I am one of those “f-word” people that stands against redefining marriage. I am also inspired by the love and commitment you speak of between A. and E. I wish them all the best.

  2. Allison

    What a beautiful post about a wonderful thing – quite simply what the world needs is more affirmations of committed love and fewer state sanctioned terms of discrimination. Fundamentalism has no place outside of the church in which it was formed, least of all in the legal protections of government and common law.

    Here in California we’re hoping to get to vote on this issue again soon – I am fully supportive of seeing all loving couples share the same legal rights, and it can’t come soon enough!

  3. Robert Modean

    Beautifully said. To deny love in any form is the gravest of sins, for what is God if not love? Those for whom love is so narrowly defined or for whom faith needs must deny others their God given right at true happiness and love, are not mere fundamentalists, they are the worst sort of reactionary. Theirs is an atavistic faith devoid of grace and love, they are to be pitied more than mocked, but a fair share of the latter is warranted as well. Again well said, I can only hope your friends find true happiness with one another and their union is a joyous one filled with love for the years to come.


  4. Ryan

    My hope is that, in the future (hopefully the near future), we as a country will look back at this situation and feel embarrassed or ashamed. It’s a civil rights issue, plain and simple, and the country is acting the same way it acted against African Americans in the past.

  5. Sherry

    I thought of A. and E. a few different times yesterday. I hope it was a wonderful day all around for everyone. My prayers go with them.

  6. hibiscus

    On this issue, I have proved myself to be the most liberal among even my liberal relatives, and miles away from the conservatives. An odd feeling, to be sure.
    Love should trump everything, and like you say, X&Y chromosomes should be irrelvant. God and Love are supposed to be limitless, and MY God would not condemn those who act on His finest creation. And you’re absolutely right about the non-procreative stuff. By the strictest of views, I, who had a complete hysterectomy at 25, should not be permitted marriage, since I can’t produce my own children. I rather resent that notion! Would it be better if I were dead so long as I gave the world at least one more human to live in it? Hardly!
    (I’m being a little disorganized here. Sorry.)
    I hope your friends are happy; I wish them the joy my friends and family have found in their own marriages.


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