I discontinued my Effexor Friday and started my (hopefully final) 1500 mg. level of lithium dosing. No nausea side effects, but like clockwork I’ve started feeling weepy and volatile and shaky. Yesterday it was arguing with the transportation chief, the inpatient social worker, and finally, the head of social services at the hospital where my mother stayed last week. See, to compound the almighty clusterfuck that was her stay, the inpatient sw signed my mother up for transportation, even though her address isn’t on the list of pickup areas. And he couldn’t check, because he didn’t do it until after the department had left for the day, and only after I left him a blasting voice mail–despite the fact that he’d known for 2 days that transport was needed.
I started shaking yesterday with nausea and rage when my brother called me. My mother’d gotten up at 5:15 and was ready at 7. No van, however. She tried calling, but she’s not yet with it enough to really get what they’re telling her. (Funny, the collision of instinct and insight.) So then she called Brother, who called me. He was at the end of his rope. So I called and got the transportation manager. He said he’d talk to the inpatient sw and someone would call me back in 15 minutes. An hour later I called the transportation manager back, furiouser and furiouser. Well, of course he’d spoken with the f*ing moron I told him not to bother with, since I’ve apparently scared the useless shit so much he won’t return a call to me. (and no, I never swore once out loud to anyone…) So I told the transportation manager that I wanted the head of social services. More resistance. I said “look, I know you’re just telling me the facts and the mess up isn’t your fault, but you can get me the head of social services or I will just fax the Risk Manager.”
“I’ll put you right through.” I thought so.
I got her voice mail. My voice was trembling with rage and exhaustion. If I didn’t get this started toward a solution, I don’t know what I’dve done. I didn’t mention the Risk Manager. She called me back in 15 minutes. I explained the situation, my voice still sounding shaky and teary as I explained the fucking idiocy of this inpatient social worker. (Again, I didn’t swear, but I used the words “shocked,” “concerned,” “extremely worried” and “precipitate a relapse.”) “He never called you back?!?” “I hope he’s new,” I told her. I then held for 5 minutes while she grabbed my mother’s paper file. “I see a list of ‘social work goals’ signed by Brother here. Did any of this get done?” “No. No caseworker. No medication management. No SSDI application guidance. Nothing.”
She was appropriately apologetic. There isn’t much they can do for getting her to their day program, since she’s not yet fit to drive, and she really is out of their pick-up area. But she took all the information we’d collected about whom we’d spoken with, trying to get set up, and said she would follow up with the agencies, including a caseworker referral. She is also going to refer Mom to a more local day program, and will confirm transportation.
Finally, someone with a brain. Only took a week. A nasty letter to the Risk Manager may still be in order, however. But we’ll see what the rest of the week holds.
After I got off the phone, I threw up. And then shook for about a half an hour. And then went to the Trader Joe’s for groceries and some medicinal wine. On the way home, a disabled vet, panhandling at an intersection, caught my eye. He could be renamed Mr. PTSD, the dismay on his face was so apparent. We’ve recently not had any cash, but I got paid last week. Five dollars to him was worth leftovers for lunch all week– hell, I have leftovers. I sniffled and snorfled the rest of the drive, thankful for Home. Once inside, I was freezing, shaking cold– so I crawled into bed for an hour, until the BH came home and made me supper. I can’t say that the two glasses of medicinal merlot were a cure, but they did make me stop shaking so hard. After further agitation, an ativan sent me off to sleepy-time. Today, since the project I am working on is fraught with database corruption, I got to sleep until 10. It’s going to be a lazy taking care of myself day.
I can’t imagine how people who don’t understand the basic workings of the system do it. I could do all of this stuff myself, if I were there, and I’m still a wreck.