Scientists confirm aspect of gender divide

At a press conference in Geneva today, Dr. BipolarLawyerCookJustAddOnWords- UntilIt’sRidiculous announced today that scientists have discovered that there is a physical basis for some differences between men and women, many of which have resulted in marital squabbling.

“I have to admit, I was really startled when it turned out to be true. Here, I’d been thinking he was just ignoring me, or being stubborn, but in the end, it’s really just a physical difference between us. I almost feel guilty,” said Dr. BLCJAOW-UIR.

The doctor then went on to relate that through intensive research, occasioned by the complaints of female partners everywhere, scientists have discovered that the anatomy of the eyes of men is so differently structured that their eyes are incapable of seeing a variety of objects, including the following:

  1. Crumbs on the counter, the coffee table, the table, really, anywhere
  2. Ring around the bathtub
  3. Ring around the toilet
  4. Hair on the back of the toilet after the toilet lid is put down
  5. Empty toilet paper rolls
  6. Dirty dishes
  7. Empty glasses and teacups on every available surface
  8. Dust
  9. Dirt
  10. Anything cluttering up somewhere it’s not supposed to be
  11. Things in their proper places
  12. Food ingredients that require cooking and/or preparation to be edible
  13. Their keys
  14. Their shirt
  15. Their pants

Dr. BLCJAOW-UIR went on to note that research further shows that the objects men can see clearly usually fall into one of the following categories:

  1. Alcohol
  2. Soda
  3. Microwave pizza
  4. Takeout menus
  5. Chips and salsa
  6. Electronic equipment and displays thereon, including TVs, computers, and game boys
  7. Music CDs and movie and other DVDs
  8. Underwear and t-shirts that needed replacing three years ago
  9. Hardware stores.

Based upon these findings, Better Half, Ph.D., stated that “I’ve been telling her all along that we needed a maid, not a butler.”  Dr. Half then left the podium, murmuring “Has anyone seen my pants?”  Dr. BLCJAOW-UIR was heard to reply “Don’t you mean has any woman seen my pants?”


14 thoughts on “Scientists confirm aspect of gender divide

  1. Mary Ann

    Mine seems to notice if something is wearing a bikini (both good bikini wearing and bad bikin wearing) and also seems to pay attention to something if it’s making kungfu noises.

  2. beanpaste

    Mine, after seeking commendations for doing the dishes, does not seem to notice the startling amount of dishes STILL IN the sink, always doing something mysterious called “soaking.”

  3. alejna

    Ah, Dr. BLCJAOW-UIR will surely go far.

    I’m especially happy to see a news article like this contain the quote: “Has anyone seen my pants?”

  4. Marci

    Congrats on the new site – it’s beautiful! Your post has made me crack up, as usual 🙂

    Thank you so much for all of your wonderful support and compassion over the past few weeks. It means so much to me! I feel so much more courage to face the pain when I read the encouraging comments on my blog. Thanks again!

  5. Alesia

    Brilliant! There are also major differences in the olafactory organs of men and women. Men, apparently, are incapable of smelling dirty diapers.

  6. michael golch

    Now Wait one Damn Minuite,there are those of us that donot fit this catagory! espically the one about smelly diapers.
    Pizza,as Jay Leno said Pizzia is pizza even the bad pizza is still pizza. This being said Men and even Women can be equally forgetful and carless,not throwing out stuff that needs to be,It is called Pack-Rat symdrome,myself and my better half suffer this one alike. We have turned parts of our house into an old time radio program skit called Fibber Mcghee and Molly.(Don’t open that door…..crashing sounds after the door is open)
    whis this being said now I will depart my soap box!(cheering as the man leaves!!!!)


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