As I lie awake at 4:16 a.m., wired with anxiety because my aunt called me to tell me my mother’s gone manic again, I’m trying to think not of the conversation I had with Mom last night where I broke down and started sobbing and begged her to go to the E.R. with my aunt later this morning for me, even if she wouldn’t do it for her. Instead, and for the first time in a while, I’m remembering how she used to make up songs to sing us to sleep when we were little. I haven’t thought about that in a long time– I’ve been so focused on the negative recently. But Mrs. Chicken’s post about how her little one is starting to want to do without the evening songs and music brought it all back. Thank you, Mrs. C., for a little light memory in the present darkness.
And thank you, too, NYJLM, for the reminder that there is an After to the After, and that once the initial shock of rearranging your views of your world is over, it’s possible to pick up and carry on the best you can. Today’s hard memories in the making will still be hard, but I will be able to temper them, and remember the easier things, too.